Kessa

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Sun, 20 May 2007 04:30:47 GMT

I am going to make a rare post to my personal journal to all on my friends page:
Please tell me ALL you want to about yourself! That's it! Anything, likes, dislikes, interests, education, age, location, who you live with, anything eating disorder related (history, habits, etc. if you want), what do you do in spare time, where you work, future career, hopes, dreams, favorite anything (book, tv, websites, movies, colors, foods, places, etc), boy/girlfriends, best friends, regrets, bad/good memories...
Okay so I hope you get the idea- have fun! :)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Sun, 24 Dec 2006 03:16:07 GMT

Merry Christmas! :)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Mon, 04 Dec 2006 02:29:24 GMT

I confess: I B/P tonight, so while I feel like this, I want to write that I really do not want to do it again before Thursday (well I NEVER want to, but as a short term goal).
So, note to self, DON'T!

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Tue, 14 Nov 2006 02:05:07 GMT

Uck my mouth feels kind of numb... I think I will do water only Tues and Wed, and see where my weight is and then go from there.
Take care everyone :)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Wed, 08 Nov 2006 16:02:15 GMT

Yep I am trying very hard. I am really going to cut back on the B/P. It's just never enjoyable anymore. I think I would rather shift my ED to the restrictive anorectic mindset and get into eating really healthy, low calorie foods. That is better for now.

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Sat, 28 Oct 2006 15:24:47 GMT

This is an accountability post. The last time I B/P was Thursday. I promised myself I won't do it at least until Halloween/Tuesday. I happen to know that from now until then may be really hard. I don't have to water fast (I haven't gained weight or anything), just not binge. Then obviously no purging either. I have so many other things I would rather be doing.

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Sun, 15 Oct 2006 16:32:16 GMT

I completed my 3 day fast. Today is the day I will be with people, and I am at the weight I want now. Of course, I will probably B/P when I get home tonight. I feel so bad saying that because I like where I am at NOW, but... one step at a time...

(weight this morning 90.2)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Fri, 13 Oct 2006 13:03:05 GMT

Yes! Day 1 of my fast done, and this morning I did not want to weigh myself because I have a certain goal for Sunday morning, but I did and it was good. I think I will be there on Sunday. Yay!
That is, if I don't B/P until then. I figure, sure it may feel hard to fast, but I will feel worse if I B/P. It's not like it's forever- just today and tomorrow. Then Sunday I am allowed to eat. No big deal.

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Thu, 12 Oct 2006 02:49:55 GMT

Yay yay I am fasting until Sunday when I will be in social situations (aka. includes food). I get excited at the beginning of fasts :)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Thu, 05 Oct 2006 00:49:43 GMT

Sorry again I don't update much...

I am water fasting from this evening until Monday- really more like 4.5 days when you think hours but I look at is as 4 DAYS: Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday

and I happen to know I am not going to go back on it. During this time, I am going to catch up on schoolwork, too. That is very important to me!

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 00:12:08 GMT

So I will update, too:

Last weekend I was happy with my weight for the party. Of course, I slipped a little when it was over. I really want to control my BP. It's not very fun anymore because I do it when I don't want to. These are my very short term goals for this week: I will definitely get to 95.0 pounds. I am between 96 and 97 now I think. I am going to try really hard to restrict and not trigger a BP. I HAVE GOT to get used to keeping food in without turning it into a BP. I think I will be tested on Wednesday because I will be with someone all day (so will be eating with them). I also think I am going to be invited to a social get together. Small food situations like that won't make me gain weight, in fact, I would probably lose if I restrict. I am just going to try my very hardest and do my best all week. Even if I slip up once or something, my goal is to make progress... and to lose that weight!!

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Tue, 05 Sep 2006 00:01:20 GMT

http://www.whfoods.com/index.html

just wanted to keep this site... "World's Healthiest Foods" if you are interested

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Fri, 25 Aug 2006 22:29:19 GMT

Hey! I am around 96 now. This is the big weekend so I am not sure how often I will be updating. It is really Sunday that I want to be 95 or less so I am hoping for that. :)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 10:52:31 GMT

Quickly... 98.1 this morning.

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Wed, 23 Aug 2006 03:17:37 GMT

Sorry, as you know I am too busy to update much. I was 98.7 tonight though so I am still not too bad...

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 10:43:35 GMT

No time for real update but my morning weigh in was 99.7.
Hmm, think I will be 95 or less on Sunday?

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Mon, 21 Aug 2006 03:57:37 GMT

Okay I will water fast tomorrow like I said. I now really have to lose weight quickly because I found out I have an event on Sunday it is very important to look good for (to me). I don't want to miss it.

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Sun, 20 Aug 2006 22:36:28 GMT

An update... tell me if you even read this anymore, lol!

I am going to be honest no matter how embarrassing. This morning I was around 100.4, and that is a lot for me! I try to make my average 95 and always stay between 90-100, although I prefer 90-95. The thing is, I am not as close as it seems... I know I am going to B/P again tonight (don't want to explain that) so that won't make tomorrow any better. I really want to be 95 or at least 97 on Saturday morning. Ideally, I would fast starting tomorrow until then and be fine.
However, I spend a lot of time with people and I am afraid they will invite me to eat. They know I had an ED and I have made excuses already! I will hope that doesn't come up, and I already decided to make up an excuse if it is Monday because I WILL water fast on Monday to make up for today. I also may be in a social lunch situation on Friday, and I hope if that happens, restricting will be fine, but that is so close to Saturday, and I don't want to trigger a B/P but any eating usually does. Okay I will write more later.

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Sat, 22 Apr 2006 23:26:36 GMT

Hi friends!

I have decided to make a public post because I feel bad I hardly ever do. I am currently extremely ashamed of myself and I am stuggling to get back on track for REAL. Plus, I am very busy, but I do check LJ constantly!!

I promise to make more updates soon! :)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Sat, 01 Apr 2006 16:41:22 GMT

HAPPY APRIL 1!!!!!!

I have not had a sticker day in so long (That has something to do with a calendar I put stickers on "good" ED days by my definition)

But today I can have one! I can, and I will only ruin it if I let myself... so I won't!

Today is a GOOD day... it is!!!!

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Fri, 31 Mar 2006 15:33:29 GMT

A nice, Spring-y layout :)

I did a bad, bad thing because if my ED... not legally, but morally. I am going to fast this weekend. Not really for weight loss since I am focused on recovering, but for spiritual reasons and cleansing. Binging and purging is a sick addiction. Water and prayer it is until Monday. Also, I am worried about my mom, I think she might be hurt but I hope she isn't dead. She is my best friend.

(don't ask, I don't want to talk details, thanks)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Fri, 17 Mar 2006 14:41:56 GMT

Happy St. Patrick's Day! I know I haven't been updating much anyway, but now I am on spring break, so I especially probably won't as much. I'm doing well though, so I am proud of muself. :)

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Fri, 03 Mar 2006 12:58:23 GMT

I must again say that I am going out of town for the weekend. This time, I think it will actually make my weight go down and not up. I am keeping my fingers crossed. :)

Have a great weekend everyone!

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 16:26:53 GMT

Just another update without real need for one. I still feel really sad about my weight, and I estimate I won't feel better until maybe tomorrow. I just hope the weight comes off very fast. It should, but sometimes it is just stubborn.

This is only day 1 of 4, so I still have lots of fasting time.

secretkessa@hotmail.com — Tue, 28 Feb 2006 01:39:03 GMT

Hey! I'm back! Not in a good mood though because my trip was hell on my weight. Ugh, now I have to fast for 4.5 days until I go to my relative's on Saturday (so from this evening until Saturday morning will be 4.5 days)

So yeah, that's what I am up to. :)